don't even bother reading this...
so i really have problems finding a category and this poem really doesn't sound like a poem. it actually sucks. but i can honestly say that words are the most painful things except for punishment in the old days i really do hate myself. i really do hate pity though i thrive for it endless. and i really do want you to be honest with me and never lie, but i really do think you hurt my constantly and you don't realize it. you think i just swipe your words away and then you tell me i am horrible when i say something to you but i don't have enough room to constantly feel horrible for the little things i do to you while you do these things to me, lie and say you're sorry, and then tell me i am awful for the way i treat other people when some people say i'm very nice. nicer than you. but no, you can't accept it. so i guess i am horrible. i guess i really must suck for you to say things like this, but could you not say them so easily? and after, your first thought was to tell me not to blame you that i was crying alone in my basement after such a shitty aim conversation. i really don't think you deserve me while you think i am a terrible person. why is it ok for everyone else you know to act this way yet you choose to tell me i am an awful mean person? there are people worse than me yet you choose me. i don't understand you. are you jealous of me or do you just down right hate me? and why do you think you taught me everything and that you're so important to my life because you're not. i just thought you were the person to accept me and i thought i found that place where i belong, but i guess i was wrong because from your words it seems like everyone hates me behind my back. but that's ok. thanks for the honesty. i guess i can sit at a table by myself and pretend like i'm fine; like i don't absolutely want to break down in tears there. but that's ok. because this is life and i have a lot more in front of me. a lot shittier experiences than wasting my friendship on you because while you say it's the other way around, you never deserved me and you treated me badly making me feel like i was an awful human being. you made me feel like i should've never been born. i am, indeed, a horrible creation and everyone should hate me just like you. i want to go on and on but in the long run, i know this means nothing to those reading it. it's just some little girl carrying on and being dramatic but i do hate myself now. i wish i was in someone else's body or i could start over and reinvent my character but i built myself this way.i chose this road. and i can't turn back. i think i've been lying about who i really am, laughing at things i don't find funny, agreeing to things i never thought, and i don't know why i do/did it. i guess i just wanted you to accept me but that's not a real friend.